NEW ANNOUNCEMENT STUFF!
We now mod and upgrade Arcade 1-up machines. If you've made the mistake of buying one it's ok, we forgive you. I mean you can get our own mini arcade (pics below) for $995 with custom graphics and 30,000 games, but it's ok, we'll upgrade yours.
Look how cute!
Here's the damn YouTube vid
Special Edition Star Wars ship skins!!
Custom Design Boba Fett, Rebel scum, and Empire theme, Scroll down to "our work" for larger pics
You can only get these through us because we designed them, so there.
We now accept trade-ins too. (I don't know why this is in DANGER red and yellow)
OK OK fine, we'll also fix your machine you bought elsewhere and they won't help because they have shitty service. Jeez. FINE!
Desk for scale
Custom Built Arcade Machines, Arcade Repairs and Upgrades
(and maybe some swords, If I'm feeling cute, I dunno)
TWe also accept Bitcoin and Other Crypto
Except shitcoins, but you can always convert them to real coins
Pssst! wanna buy the best arcade machine on the market?
Sure, you say, but why are you wearing a trenchcoat and hiding in a dark alley? (one might also ask)
You see, our machines are so popular that other guys are cloning them, even our ads! so we've had to resort to flashing people in alleyways, among other things.
In fact we've fixed so many of their machines that we do it free for anyone that has been burnt by those fine individuals. You can even ship it to us free on our account if you pay the return shipping.
Don't take our word for it, check their Google reviews. Oh wait, they don't have any...
All of our cabinets (Except commercial ones) come default with over 30,000 games built in. WTF you say? 30 thousand? (We had to spell it out because people think it's a misprint). Simply plug it in, turn it on and slightly pee yourself (or on others) with joy.
All Cabinets are designed and hand built here from the ground up, so they're fully customisable, size, colour, electronics, design, any mods you can dream of.
NOW DOING REPLICAS TOO! Seriously, you guys are stressing me out here. Original replicas which we'll charge you through the nose for, or our machines with replica artwork which will cost you less and save an argument with your significant other, or with yourself. We don't judge.
We have a client portfolio that would make most advertising execs cream their pants!
Some of our clients are MADMAN Entertainment / Anime Lab with Kotaku, SONY BMG, Hewlett Packard, Ingram Micro, Smiths Chips and dozens of Advertising agencies around the country. Also lots of people who just want a touch of nostalgia in their homes. Seriously, why would you trust other guys when big names contact us for their promotions.
Have your own design? no problem!
NOW WITH CUSTOM GRAPHICS!!! OMG!!!!!!!!! honestly that wasn't mehones
For mobile users, click the "show more" button for more pics. i know i know, we shouldn't have to tell people that.
Check out the entire build process video below in time lapse, or check us out on Facebook and Youtube
Unfortunately I'm no longer on Instagram or Twitter. Thanks for the love, but there's such a thing as too much. I never got any work done answering fan mail all day because some of you people don't have lives. Thanks for the nudes though!
You can see the infamous blog where I destroy difficult clients at www.taint.net.au though
spectacularly failing at a high gloss finish
Gameplay Video
PC emulated system
Pandora Jamma system
Timelapse videos of the full build process
We now only use kitchen and bathroom grade black opal moisture resistant mdf, so you know you're getting the good stuff.
All Designs are our own originals. If you see them elsewhere, call them dirty cheats on social media, show us proof and get a handsome discount. Not me, I'm handsome but i aint no discount. Can't find one you like? We'll custom design it for you because we're like cool and stuff. Look out for regular design updates!
Special Editions
 Our latest charity build. Perspex bottoms because who doesn't like see through bottoms? |  It's all about the vaporwave aesthetic. Kick back with a purple sinset and grid lines while a Delorean screeches to a halt |  Classic Arcade characters come together for no reason whatsoever, but it looks cool |
|---|---|---|
 Streetfighter custom because i dunno, streetfighter? |  DC hero's battling something or other very dramatically |  DC hero's battling something or other very dramatically |
 Of course there's a Star Wars one, who doesn't like Star Wars? |  Because sometimes you need to revisit the past. Also It's a cool movie |  A mashup of arcade hero's , gluten free and vegan friendly |
 This was a part of a competition run by Smiths where you can win one of 5 arcade machines |  Obviously Marvel wins hands down, But we had to include DC so people don't cry |  Coffee table with 32" screen and a tilt screen option. See I'm old and i hate hunching over screens. Ironically I'm always hunching over something |
 Sith Lord with glow in the dark ink |  Space invaders replica, but also kinda not. Just like the Gauntlet machine, our slim modern sexiness but with retro Space invaders art |  Why buy a shitty Arcade 1up when you can get one of these? Made in Australia by some handsome guy |
 Why buy a shitty Arcade 1up when you can get one of these? Made in Australia by some handsome guy |  HP / Ingram micro Z series promotion |  Guild Insurance |
 This client wanted a super hero women design. A little too sexy for this song. |  Super hero women B side |  Tupac, ice cube, Biggie, Eazy E, Eminem, Dr. Dre, snoop dog, All in one arcade |
 Tupac, ice cube, Biggie, Eazy E, Eminem, Dr. Dre, snoop dog, All in one arcade |  These cute little feckers have perspex bottoms, so people can see how much money they've collected. Ideal for charities, supporting drug habits and anything which requires collecting money without having to pull a shank on anyone. Branded to your specs of course. |  SONY BMG for Angus Young's "Dope Lemon" video clip. We couldn't tell the client their design was hideous in this case |
 Custom 4 player |  Ninja Turtles but the ruthless ones. Not the cute ones. |  Gauntlet replica but kinda. Our sexy shape but Gauntlet graphics. Who doesn't love a 4 person menage? |
 White machine because...i dunno, white? Like our other white "Pauline Hanson" machine but elegant and aged much better than Pauline. |  also known as a cocktail cabinet, but done properly with a tilt screen |  tilt screen in action. Why hunch over the screen and become a Disney icon when you can bring the screen to you? |
 i know i know, it was a customer request. 40" screen in 2 player led |  Who doesn't love Darth Maul? Place in a dark corner and scare old ladies and little kids |  Aka u/Omegaweapon That's the boss. He lifts. and he also does some of the customer service. If you get on his bad side you'll end up laughed at on Reddit. |
 Why isn't this just the cutest little thing. Makes you want to pinch it's little buttons. Custom designed Mario World theme in a 32" screen. |  we got asked to do a custom job (don't we all?) and we just couldn't resist! Artwork was supplied by the client, me magic'd everything together |  Other side of the sexeh Ninja Turtles cabinet |
 Our client is a huge Michael Jordan fan, so we Michaeled it up for him |  Custom GTA design for a customer. Obviously a blatant copyright violation but under the guise of fan art |  the other side of...Custom GTA design for a customer. Obviously a blatant copyright violation but under the guise of fan art |
 In case the title doesn't say enough, it's old school Starwars |  old school Star Wars cabinet design but fitted to our machines. |  HEY!! what's Silvana the sexy 410HP Corvette doing here? |
 Silvana showing off her curves. They don't build women like this anymore |  so you don't like those pussy retro characters on your beastly machine? This is our custom street fighter design. with a rounded joystick like thingy (customer request) |  Are you sick of blacking out several times a day and waking up in the 70's? Yeah me too. This woodgrain throwback to the 70s has a 32" LED screen, over 30,000 games and they all work! (Unlike our competitors who still can't figure things out) Inspired by disco and old clock radios. And maybe Brute 33.... |
 note the fabulous streetfighter versus retro arcade design |  another angle of the streetfighter versus retro arcade design |  4 players and a 40 inch, bukkake'd with stickers....menage a quatre. that sounded cool in my head. |
 another angle of the "menage a quatre" 4 player in a 40 inch screen |  2 player arcade in a 40" screen. Seriously, who do you know that has 40 inches? |  We call this monster Shaq. Not because it's big and black, that would be racist, shame on you. But because it has a 42" led screen unlike Shaq, and.. ok.... because it's big and black, don't judge. 42 inches of huge... err...screen. This won't end well, just look at the damn pics. |
 Now with light up buttons! But Abs, you say, why the feck would i want those awesome light up buttons? Why the feck wouldn't you want those awesome light up buttons? they're shiny and everyone likes shiny things. You've changed man. |  Customer request, Aussie flag, French, US? Who cares! It looks like an 80s toy, plays like one, but aint one. |  Every group needs a token white guy. So white in fact that it feels inadequate around black cabinets (small joystick syndrome) So white that Pauline Hanson thinks she's related. So effing white its ancestors probably owned black cabinets. So white it thinks all Muslims...wait, it seems I've confused my Pauline Hanson skit with my cabinet description. P̶a̶u̶l̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶H̶a̶n̶s̶o̶n̶ no, white cabinet yes. |
 in brilliant orange pearl, we call her firecrotch v2.0 |  6 million years ago something or other did stuff and now there's this....Behold! So fine that i can't even come up with a back story. |  Silvor the destroyer showing off his pearl finish |
 2 player arcade cabinet with 24 inch screen. Comes default with trackball, pinball bumpers and plunger (ball shooter) |  2 player arcade cabinet with 32 inch screen. Comes default with trackball, pinball bumpers and plunger (ball shooter) |  2 player arcade cabinet with 32 inch screen. Comes default with trackball, pinball bumpers and plunger (ball shooter) |
SERVICES
REPAIRS
CUSTOM BUILDS
General Repairs,
Upgrades and custom
add ons
You call the shots as to
size, style, design and awesomeness.
Or just grab a stock model
DESIGNER SWORDS
Wtf? we also make the occasional custom life size replica fantasy swords.
(but that's a pic of a hammer, Abs)
OMG shutup Chelsea!
We design, build, fix and upgrade arcade machines, We've been in the industry since the late 90's, yes we're old, that means experience as well as senility.
WE DO accept your designs and can build whatever the heck you want, we don't ask why. ok we do but not often
WE DON'T copy other guys cabinets though, that would just be plain rude (send us an email and we'll work something out...shh)
WE DO accept cash, Paypal, credit cards, slaves, marriage proposals, bags of stolen money and we'll even trade for stuff if it's something interesting enough.
BUT we won't accept any junk or Apple related products (except pie, everyone loves pie) no iphones or ipads or anything like that, it's complicated, don't be annoying
WE LOVE people dropping by for a coffee and a chat ( please call ahead ), play a few games, get beaten miserably, don't make it awkward though, come in, hang around a little then go away.
Sick of all the overpriced (and cheaply made) boutiquey, Nancyboy arcade machines out there that feel so cheap and nasty they might give you an std?
What? Your friend has one with a 19 inch screen and 60 games you say? Laugh at them and call them girly names this instant.
We've been building these for over 20 years. I even wrote some of the software so I know these intimately. In fact, Our machines are so popular other sellers even copy them poorly! Naughty. Ok they might be a little cheaper but half their games don't work and they're clueless in general. We know because we fix their mistakes.
Everything is built by hand from scratch, the cabinet, the electricals, everything, so you can call the shots as to how big or small you want it, how mean or girly etc if you're into something a little different.
All the classics you remember are on this, as well as all the ones you don't remember, the ones your friends remember but you've never heard of, the obscure Japanese ones that you scratch your head at and all the ones you also hated.
Comes with over 860 pinball machines, true replicas of all the old classics from the days when you were a stud muffin pinball wizard with a cool moustache.
Machines can also double as a jukebox, piss off your significant other by cranking 80's funk whilst conquering Galaga, then get told off for being stuck in the past.
You can also crank 80's rock and any other appropriate (or inappropriate) music.
Is your mate trying to one up you with his shitty import cabinet? No problem, throw in a USB drive and watch a movie, surf the internet on your arcade machine and google his name followed by a derogatory comment and put him in his place.
Wow him with the shear number of games he doesn't have and then point and laugh at his inadequateness. Yours is bigger after all.
You will either be adored by millions (or just Shane around the corner) or possibly hated by them because they're haters. who needs them anyway when you have one of these. (I'm so lonely)
We've crammed as much goodies in them as possible. I actually die a little inside everytime i sell one. They grow up so fast.
CONTACT US
Where the magic happens:
By appointment only unfortunately.
We get so many walk in's that we have to keep dropping tools and nothing ever gets done.
Alternatively if you hate contact forms, you can reach us below. Chelsea is nicer to deal with ( I'm Chelsea by the way! hi! )
Chelsea (The nice one)
or
Abs (The mean one)
Do you think I don't read these Chels? I'm actually quite nice, I just hate people
OPENING HOURS:
Mon - Fri: 9am - 5pm
Saturday: 9am - 5pm
Sunday: The wife will kill me